Jokes in the Third Reich

[Locke]

Another one from my Anecdotes booklet (I don't know if it really happened):
In Amsterdam, Nazi officers walking trough the streets became conscious that many of the Dutch were hailing one another as they passed with the salute, "Heil Rembrandt!" which they suspected to be a deeply subversive travesty of the required, "Heil Hitler!".
"Why do you say this?" demanded a German officer, accosting a Netherlander.
"You see," replied the man blandly "we too have a great painter."

regards,
Polona

[George Lepre]

Hi Guys -

Last year I was looking through the records of the U.S. 100th Infantry Division. The records covering April and May 1945 include some passages on the German civilian population in occupied Stuttgart and their sentiments. One report focused on the fear among former Nazis who were subject to automatic arrest. They thus came up with new acronyms:

SS - "Sicher Sibirien"

SA - "Sibirien Anwaerter"

There were several others but I don't remember them.

Enjoy -

George Lepre

[HPL2008]

SS - "Sicher Sibirien"

...reminds me of something else I once read: When volunteer members of the SSVT/Waffen-SS were bugging their comrades by constantly complaining about things like their tough training or the food, these often replied by pointing to their right-hand collar patches and saying "Selbst Schuld". ("Your own fault.")

[DunklerProphet]

The French also turned the SS into "Sans Sentiment" ("Without Emotions")...

[Bob Williams]

I used to work with an old Englishman who told this one to me.
"An aide of Churchill's approached him and informed him that the Italians had joined the German side.Mr. Churchill's reply was"It's only fair.We had them the last time around."

[Witch-King of Angmar]

From the British press in 1936:

An aryan is tall like Goebbels, slim like Göring, blonde like Hess and heroic like Hitler.

A true Aryan was: blond like Hitler, tall like Goebbels, slim like Goering, blue-eyed as Hess, clever as Eva Braun, and his name was Rosenberg. Alfred Rosenberg

~The Witch-King of Angmar

[Jeremy Chan]

An SS officer at Buchenwald tells a Jewish inmate that he is to be executed today. "You will, however, be reprieved if you can correctly tell me which is my glass eye," says the officer.
The Jew says " That's easy. It's the left eye."
"How did you know that?" asks the surprised SS officer.
"Because that one looks more human," replies the Jew.

[Plavá bestie]

"One German is great man, two makes Kameradschaftsbund and three Germans will surely declare war on."

"We are actually called the 6th army because we have only six tanks."

Josef "Sepp" Dietrich

[Panzerkampfwagen]

These jokes are being quoted from Neville Henderson's memoirs as a British Ambassador in Berlin: These can be found in the chapter - Göring.

1. Hitler one day went to see God. " I am so happy to see you Adolf, but next time, dont bring that fellow Hermann with you. Each time he leaves, he takes away a star".
2. This is about a motorist who drove into the Reichsmarschall's car and was arrested for reckless driving , who pleaded it was not his fault but the Marschall's as he had not dimmed his decorations. He was acquitted.
3. This joke was famous during 1938 about the Luftwaffe. " The English have so many aeroplanes that the sky is black with them, the French have so many that we cannot see the sun, but when Hermann Göring presses the button, the birds have to walk."

There are some more jokes in the book about Göring by David Irving, i shall put them down later.

[Panzerkampfwagen]

I read this joke in Traudl Junge's memoirs... I am not sure about the person concerned and i think it was Dr.Morell

Morell: Mein Fuhrer, i get many of my ideas these days, while sitting in the bath tub.

Goebbels: Thats why i tell you, you should take a bath more often.

[tiredamerican]

How come there is no joke about Joachim von Ribbentrop posted here so far... he was a "funny" guy even though he didn't wanted to be

As far as I know- amongst the nazis was Hermann Göring known as the biggest grumbler and joker, wasn't he?

Keep on laughing , von Kluge

Here's one I read somewhere: After Hitler appointed Ribbentrop ambassador to England a number of his paladins suggested the appointment may not be such a good idea. Hitler responded, "Ribbentrop, from his business contacts and experiences, knows many well connected and influential people in England". His interlocutors responded, "That is true, Mein Fuhrer, but they know HIM!"

[timkoningskelp]

"An aide of Churchill's approached him and informed him that the Italians had joined the German side.Mr. Churchill's reply was"It's only fair.We had them the last time around."

Hahaha, jokes about the Italian war effort never seem to run out.

Here are some more:

-Italian tanks during WW2 had more reverse gears than forward gears. (That's really true...!).

-At an auction for sale: Italian rifle, never fired, dropped only once.

-Two shortest books of the World: "Eating well in Great Britain" and "Modern Italy military success stories."

[David W]

"Eating well in Great Britain"

That should be "Eating cheaply in Great Britain"

[Panzerkampfwagen]

Göring sure seems to have been the butt of Third Reich Jokes : Source - Inside Europe by John Gunther Edition 1937

1. The story goes that He is so obese that he sits on his own stomach and wears corsets on his thighs.
2. One story is that he dons an admiral's uniform whenever he takes a bath , with rubber duplicates of all his medals.
3. A new unit of weight has been established in Germany - "a göring", to signify the aggregate displacement of his decorations.
4. Once he visited a steel factory and his companions were horrified to see him suddenly leave the floor and dart perpendicularly upward to the ceiling. Reason: an electro magnet above had caught his medals.

P.S: Is there a way to type the German umlaut in the editor?

[FortWorthGuy]

Q. Who put the last bullet in the Duce's body as it was hanging in the plaza?

A. Three dozen expert Italian riflemen.

This came from a good friend whose family is Italian and whose grandmother still had positive things to say about Il Duce.